A Fight in between

We had a fight last night. It was certainly not something stupid,it's fucking serious--our furture.

Somehow I believe that in a relationship, you gotta to find a balance. The effort that one and the other make has to be equivalent, no more, no less; Otherwise, the relationship will not last. But how to measure such effort? how to embody the thing that you cannot see?

No answer; there will never be a proper answer.

I remember the day he left me, I was crying, and feel depressed. It took months to feel myself and other things surrounded me, such as friends, life, movies, and remainding studies. I was sucked up into a vacuum cleaner; it was like someone took my right arm from my body, I struggled to move on without the arm that I used to for a long time. I never expect that he would walk with me for these years, of course I am touched. But where does this relationship lead me? two years have passed and my heart is still empty; I hurt whenever I think about us. He asked, "where is the problem?" I was silent. A Monster between us, it is going to show up one day. I don't even know what it looks like, but I am aware that it will be my worst nightmare. I fully understand that it was my choice; I am doomed to be in love with this persion and be bound by such irresistible, consuming, inconvenient love. I have no leeway. I will not be happy or satisfy even I got out. How pathetic.

I am dissolving; I am dissolving into molecules because of a thoght of losing love to you.