I sincerely hope my troubles would melt like lemon drops

After horrible DD period has past, now I realize the remaining days of this year will be the low ebb of my career. We got new blood; fresh on board; Uncle V put all his attention on Monica, CY and Jay. This is their moment now; ours has past.
I still don’t know where I am going, and how Uncle V thinks of me. I am afraid that I will not have what I expect to have after our division. I believe David has the same feeling as me. After all, he was the one falling from the cloud. It was all water under the bridge.
I swore that I don’t wanna winding up like C and R. I had my goal and ambition before. Now it doesn’t matter any more. Partially because of the timing, and the other was because of J. Whether it was the right choice or the worst choice of my life does not weigh that much anymore. I am into it/him, irresistibly.
I cried in his car again last night. I remember we were talking about marriage; about how we envy at Eric and David; and how difficult to find the person to spend the rest of our life with. We were walking along the street of Zhe Da Rd, side by side, with cars and pedestrians passing by. On an impulse, I had a though to be with him forever, and discontinuing my longest anticipation. I was scared by the though, and I was suddenly sucking in a dilemma which preoccupies me since the day I promised J that I would give him a slight chance. Wasn’t I giving myself a slight chance to picture the life being without Franck?